As anyone who is in a long-term relationship knows, it can be difficult to keep the chemistry, spice and spark alive. Long working hours, a busy social life and even if you have kids can mean that you pass each other like ships in the night, not to mention it can make it even more difficult to schedule in some extra special time with your loved one. All is not lost, however, as you can relight the fire that got you together in the first place. If you are finding it difficult to reconnect with your partner, then there are a few tips that you can use to add some spice back into your relationship.
Your long-term partner is most probably your best friend and confidant, so before addressing any issues, it is important that you both take time to sit down together and discuss exactly how you feel. Perhaps there are things that you would like to try to help add some passion back into your relationship, or maybe you are feeling bored and would like your partner to make more of an effort. Whatever your problems or concerns, make sure that you discuss these together so that you can work on a joint solution. You are not pointing the blame, or criticizing your partner, and it is important to state this from the outset. Rather, you are working together as a team to solve any problems or concerns that you both feel may be impacting your chemistry.
Start something together
A new project or interest is the ideal way to inject some spice back into your relationship, in particular, if it is something that you have both been talking about but never had the guts to try. From a new sport to cookery or even trying an activity such as painting or sculpture, this will provide you with valuable time in each other’s company to relax, unwind and work on your relationship. Starting something together is ideal if you feel that you are stuck in a rut, as it will spark a shift in your attitude and mindset. You could even use this new time and energy to work towards a new goal or aim, such as losing weight or even entering a marathon or triathlon. The idea is that the activity you choose will help you to work together as a team, and grow closer, rather than seeing you both begin to compete against each other and let your selfish streak take the lead. View this as a project to work on over time, rather than a race to the finish – this is not a quick fix, getting the spark back in your relationship takes time and effort.
Spend time reconnecting
In our busy, everyday lives it can even be difficult to hold, embrace or even kiss your partner – in particular, if you both run out of the door in the mornings and arrive home late at night. So, the ideal and obvious way to add some spice back into your relationship is by starting small and beginning to initiate small touches and gestures that will make you realize why you fell in love in the first place. Getting touchy-feely does not necessarily meaning heading straight to the bedroom. Instead you will need to work together to regain your trust and intimacy levels. Take time each day, even if you need to set a stopwatch, to hug and spend time together. When you leave the house, even if you are going to meet friends or visit your relatives, be sure that you hold hands and touch each other. Listen to your partner to find out how they like to be intimate in a non-sexual way, as you can still keep the spice alive by using more subtle techniques such as eye contact and gently stroking a particular zone such as the back of the knees or nape of the neck.
Seek advice from a counselor
If you have lost all hope in your relationship and worry that you are headed for divorce, then you have a little time on your side to try to patch up those woes and issues that are causing serious heartache. The chances are that if you are this far down the line, then you may be worried about a whole host of issues and how you are going to solve them. There would be many factors to consider, such as debt issues, of which you can learn more here. However, if you truly want to save a dying relationship, then it is time to up your game and try to bring out all of the stops to win your partner back around. Try to take time to sit down together and discuss what went wrong. If you feel that the spark is completely gone, then you could schedule a visit to a relationship counselor to air your feelings and any grudges that you are holding. Finally, remember why and when you got together in the first place. Keep trying, and you should get the results that you are after. A counselor session may, however, reveal that the best option is indeed to split. If this is the case, then try not to be too disheartened, as it is better to be happy and single than in an unhappy marriage.
If you have been in a relationship for several years or more, and maybe have even had kids or gotten married, then it can be tough to keep the initial spark alive, in particular as you now feel comfortable around each other. Your partner is your friend, but they are also your loved one, so it is important that you treat them differently. Try out a new activity or hobby together to make sure that you spend some quality time together. Next, be sure to up your intimacy levels and try touching each other and holding hands to build trust. It may, however, be time to seek further guidance and advice, and if this does lead to a separation, you will know that it is for the best reasons and is the best way forward. Every relationship is different and will have various outcomes. Taking various steps and working on what you can is the best solution to any problem you may be facing.